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Existential Meditation

by Bleak Soul

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1.
i fell out of love with this excuse for life | it once offered promise before you reach the light | so i cut off my ear and i went blind | i can’t seem to do anything right | why am i here? | do i feel the fear or do i just fear feeling? | i know there’s skill in staying sane | but i hear the thunder before i feel the rain | there’s a void in the window of time | i just wanted to live and then wanted to die | uh oh | i’ve lost my way now | uh oh i hate myself now | uh oh who am i now?
2.
i want out 03:17
what would i want with eternal life | i already want this one to end | euthanise the newborn kids | before they work out we’re all bastard sons | take a look at what we’ve done | i want out | thank your mothers for giving you life | it’s not their fault that we’re all pricks | if i was on life support | i’d beg in my head to please, please not pull through | take a piss in the fountain of youth | i want out
3.
the good days give you cancer | escape does not exist | the lights want your attention | as they soak into your skin | there’s a sparkle in my eye | from the headlights down below | maybe i’m alive | too dark, too dim, too bright | i fear that i am nothing | i wanted to feel more | i look down from the vista | and all i see is doom | tilt up towards the night sky | still smaller than the moon | why do you fear the dark? | when it’s the light that makes you blink | i am nothing but a product | of my father’s favourite things | i am nothing | we cling to the comfort behind our eyes | and make peace with what is left inside
4.
there’s a dent in our fabric | a shimmering casualty | a ballet on a flower bed sowing sterile seeds | a beautiful murder | a glistening work of art | in the shadows of a skyline where the stitches came apart | what do we want now? | and how do we get it? | it’s too late now to turn around and forget what just happened | ‘cause i’ve got no faith in purpose | maybe there’s purpose in faith | but god is cruel and there is quite enough in my veins | deliver me to evil | ‘cause being good got me nowhere | existing’s a habit i really would like to kick | i’m sick to my yellow teeth of lies like i’ll get through it | a hideous sunrise | like a torch on a house ablaze | lighting up the pointless lives of rats in a maze | we all end the same way | so spare me uniqueness | happiness is only good for lying about what happens | there is no worth in living | i’m sick of living for worth | ‘cause god is fucked | he’s laughing at the pain in all of us
5.
twenty 7 01:03
i've almost made it past 27 | another club i just won't join | but i don't know who i am still | 'cause i had three words follow my name for so long | that i've lost a part of myself without them | isn't that so sad
6.
i fell in love with the death of a stranger | there's blood still drying on the boulevard | the scent of iron and sound of cars | another murder at the hands of fate | just down the road from the figure 8 | the roses brown in the l.a. sun | where second nature is a loaded gun | there’s children crossing where his head split | ‘cause one day later no one gives a shit
7.
do you remember my name? | the look in your eye’s not the same | is what’s happening in your head coming for me next? | i’m hoping that it feels like a dream | where i wake up every minute but i’ve never been asleep | you’ve been living in the dark long before i switch the light out and close the door | i’m scared of losing my brain | i won’t live my life just to decay | am i destined for the bleakness of darkness before death? | i wonder if the touch of her hand | is enough to keep me present as the world still spins around | where do all the memories go when they’re gone?
8.
exist 02:41
watch the universe crumble from the sky | watch the tv whilst it happens in the corner of your eye | gather snapshots of the day’s sad souvenirs | watch the time as if it even matters at all that you are here | if you think believing is seeing then you have eaten yourself alive | watching sunsets with a weight upon your soul | hope to god there’s something out there that could ever make it whole | watch death come and go cyclic as a week | never stop to ask why the fuck it has to hurt to feel | sit in silence with just the voices in your head | pray to god so you don’t have to spend your whole life afraid of death | watch the days slip by, you’ll never get them back | watch the lonely lives of others to forget all the hope you lack

credits

released May 22, 2020

All music & Lyrics by Benjamin Langford-Biss
Vocals, Guitars, Keys, Drum Programming, Production & Mixing by Benjamin Langford-Biss.
Horns on Track 4 by Kelly O'Donohue.
Mastered by Brian McCalman
Artwork by Scott Eyre.
Logo by Alex Adam (Boredom Kills Creative)
Photography by Poppy Biss

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Bleak Soul Brighton, UK

Shouting With Nothing to Say.

New project from Benjamin Langford-Biss (ex-As It Is)

Beth Shalom Records

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